


it was a february day

by imposterhuman



Series: school spirit, DEH style [4]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Fluffy, M/M, More tags to be added, Sunrises, alana is p sweet too, connor is super sweet, connor is too good for this world, evan is sad, heh what is geographical continuity, heidi hansen is a saint, jared is not such a douchebag, no more "family friend" nonsense, this is a mess, zoe likes puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-18 23:50:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11301384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: On the anniversary of Evan's dad leaving, Evan's friends all find ways to make the day suck less.





	1. morning

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first multichaptered fic, tell me how it goes!

It was a cold day in February. In fact, it was  _ that  _ day in February, the anniversary of Evan’s dad leaving him and his mom, all alone. Naturally, Evan felt down, because his anxiety brought all of his thoughts of worthlessness to a head. 

_ You’re so pathetic _ **_,_ ** he thought.  _ Even your  _ dad  _ didn’t want you. _

Sitting down at his desk, he tried to write his letter for therapy.

_ Dear Evan Hansen, _

_ Today will  _ _ not  _ _ be a great day, because  _ _ you’re a pathetic piece of shit and even your own father couldn’t stand to be around you  _ _ you have Connor and Jared and Zoe and Alana and Mom and you’re  _ not  _ alone, you’re  _ not  _ pathetic. You can make it through today? Right? Only 18 more hours. You can _ _ ’t  _ _ do it. Now, go and get through your day. Only 18 more hours. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Me. _

Evan shook his head. He knew he couldn’t turn that into Dr. Sherman, he’d have to write a new one after school. Shoving the paper in his jeans pocket, he grabbed a jacket and ran downstairs to eat breakfast.

When he got there, his mom was already at the table, her eyes red rimmed. Nevertheless, she tacked on a smile for her son.

“Evan! You’re down early, did you write your letter for Dr. Sherman?” She asked, trying to sound upbeat.

“Um… yeah, I did. Sure.” Evan mumbled. 

“Those letters are important, honey.” His mom said softly.

“I know, it’s just… today is hard.” he whispered. “Today is  _ really  _ hard.”

“Oh, hon,” his mom hugged him. “I know. I know. I miss him too, sometimes, even though I know we’re better off without him.” Evan nodded wordlessly, holding his mom tight, tears leaking from his eyes.

A knock at the door startled both of them from their sadness. Evan rushed to dry his eyes as his mom went to go open the door.

“Oh hi, Ms. Hansen, I’m just here for Evan, I have a surprise for him before school.” Evan’s boyfriend, Connor, stood a little awkwardly at the door. 

“Ev, sweetie, Connor’s here!” she called. Evan, satisfied that there were no more tears on his face, grabbed his schoolbag and walked to the door.    
“Bye, mom! See you later!” he called. Once the door shut, Connor kissed Evan chastely. 

“You doing okay? I know today’s…” he broke off, searching for the right word.

_ Hard? No,  _ he thought.  _ Bad? Worse… _

“Rough,” he finished. Evan cracked a small smile, climbing into the passenger’s seat of Connor’s car clumsily, as the sun hadn’t come up yet.

“I just miss him? You know?” Evan sighed sadly. “Well, not  _ him  _ exactly, but the idea of him. The idea of a father who loved me enough to stick around. I just feel so  _ worthless  _ sometimes and the fact that he didn’t even love me enough to call on my birthdays? It really hurts…” He trailed off. Connor abruptly pulled over.

“Listen to me, Ev.” he said, looking Evan right in the eyes. “You are  _ not  _ worthless. You are the single most amazing person I have ever met. Your father is a dirtbag and stupid if he doesn’t want you. You are deserving of all of the love in the world.” With that, Evan started to cry softly. “Ev, you okay?” Connor asked, worried. “Did I say something wrong?”   
_ Fuck, fuck, fuck, I screwed up, I made him feel worse, fuck- _

Evan’s chuckle brought him out of his guilty thoughts. “No, these are happy tears. Because I love you, Connor Murphy.”

“And I love you, Evan Hansen.” Connor kissed his boyfriend again. “Now, I had a surprise for you and if we don’t hurry, we’re gonna miss it.” Connor started driving again (a little over the speed limit), holding Evan’s hand the whole time.

“We’re here,” Connor said, pulling over on the edge of a cliff. Right in front of them was a forest and open sky. He climbed onto the hood of his car, holding out his hand to a confused Evan. “Now, we wait.” And they didn’t have to wait long. The sun started to rise, filling up the empty and chasing away the shadows.    
“It’s… woah.” Evan said. Connor chuckled.

“Very articulate, hon,” he said. “So.. you like it?” Instead of answering, Evan kissed Connor square on the lips.    
And they stayed like that while the morning broke.

\---

“Shit! We’re gonna be late for school!” Evan cried, breaking the silence. By this point, the sun was fully up.

“Ev, chill, we still have like,” Connor checked his phone. “Shit, we’re gonna be late.”

“You better drive fast.” Evan groaned. 

“But what about speed limits?” Connor asked innocently.

“Oh, since when have you ever cared about speed limits?” 

“Hmm,” Connor smirked. “Since about 5 minutes ago.”   
They were going to be  _ really  _ late to school.


	2. school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> evan's friends try to cheer him up at school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah, i got a little flaky on the class periods, but hey! i tried

Connor and Evan made it to school right as the first bell rang. With a quick kiss, Connor raced off to the math wing while Evan trudged to the science wing. 

“See you at lunch!” Connor called over his shoulder.

Evan walked briskly, making it into his seat in Biology just in time for the late bell. Jared, his lab partner and best friend, was sitting next to him, asleep on the lab table. 

“Jared!” he hissed. “Wake up!”

“Whaaaa.. ‘M awake,” Jared yawned, fixing his glasses. He looked down at his phone to check the time and…

_ Oh, shit, it’s  _ that  _ day,  _ he thought frantically.  _ Gotta distract Ev, don’t want him freaking out today. _

“Soooooo, Evan,” he asked, floundering for a topic. “Why were you almost late to class? Normally you’re here before me.”   
Evan blushed bright red. “I w-w-was with-h C-Connor,” he stuttered out. 

“Oh?” Jared arched an eyebrow. “Do tell all about your romantic escapades with Lover Boy.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Jared.” 

“Boys!” the teacher called. “Do you have something you’d like to share with the class?”   
Jared snorted. “Actually y-” Evan elbowed him in the ribs. “No, sorry ma’am.”

“Then back to the lesson. As I was saying…” the teacher droned on about some boring topic. Jared ripped a sheet of paper out of his notebook. 

_ You okay?  _ He passed the paper to Evan.

**_Fine._ ** Evan knew without asking that Jared had noticed the date.

_ How’s Heidi holding up? _ _   
_ **_She’s okay. We’re both sad but we’ll be fine._ **

_ I’m here for you if you need me. Tell you what, I’m coming over after school. I’ll even order the pizza.  _

**_Thanks, Jared. :)_ **

The bell rang, cutting off their note passing. 

“See you at lunch,” Evan called back to Jared, already out the door on his way to get to English class.

\---

_ Brrrrringg! _

The bell rang, signaling the start of 2nd period. There were no assigned seats in his class, so he wasn’t expecting anyone to sit next to him. He was surprised when Alana Beck slid into the desk next to his. 

“Hey, Evan,” she said softly. “Heard today’s not a great day for you, so I’m here if you need anything.” 

Evan smiled. “Thanks, Alana. You’re a great friend.”   
“Acquaintance,” Alana said with a chuckle.

Evan laid his head on his desk, getting lost in thought. Memories of his dad swirled around in his head.

_ “Don’t tell Mommy that I’m letting you have ice cream before dinner,” his dad whispered conspiratorially. Tiny Evan nodded, eyes as wide as saucers as his dad handed him a bowl of chocolate ice cream. _

_ “Don’t tell Mommy, we can get this stain out ourselves,” his dad said, throwing the grass stained pants in the washing machine, giving Evan a fond smile.  _

_ “Don’t tell Mommy,” his dad said frantically, pushing the strange woman off of him. “Evan, this is our secret, okay?” Evan nodded, scared and confused. _

_ “How dare you! How dare you tell my son to hide this from me! How dare you do this near him! Get your sorry ass out! Come back when you’ve learned some common decency!” His mom’s voice was hoarse from yelling. A door slammed and Evan came out from his hiding spot behind the curtain.  _

_ “Don’t cry, Mommy. Don’t cry,” he whispered, hugging his mom close. _

“...Evan? Evan, you okay?” Alana shook his shoulder. “You zoned out for a minute there. Do you need to go to the nurse?”   
Evan took a deep breath. “No, I’m fine, just… Just remembering stuff.” Alana looked at him, concerned, but he just sighed and put his head back down.  _ 14 hours left. _

\---

Evan skipped 3rd period. He went down to the nurse, claiming a headache, and just lay there for a hour, thinking, drifting in and out of fitful sleep. He texted Connor a few times, too, but he knew Connor had gym this period and couldn’t check his phone. 

He also texted his father. He knew it was a bad idea, he knew it was stupid, but he was feeling a little reckless and out of control. 

_ Dear Absent Father Figure,  _ it read.  _ I hope you know that a) you have royally fucked up as a father to me and b) i am royally fucked up in part because of that. How dare you cheat on my mom? How dare you tell me not to tell her? Sometimes, I miss you. Or rather, the  _ idea  _ of you. All my life, I wanted a dad. I wanted someone to play catch with, someone to come to my games, someone to take a load off of mom so I could have my mother too, but you weren’t there. You left us. You left your  _ family _ , all so that you could shack up with some cocktail waitress and hightail it off to Colorado. Is it fun? Do you ever think of us? You should, and you should feel like shit because of it. I hope you feel guilty. Sincerely, the son you never got to know. _

\---

At lunch, Evan was subdued, not even talking to Connor. All of his friends tried to distract him, but all Evan could think of was how he had just fucked up. His leg started bouncing uncontrollably and his breathing started to speed up. Connor noticed and led him away from the group, citing a need for fresh air.

Once outside, he hugged Evan close. “Name 5 things you can see,” he whispered, intimately familiar with Evan’s panic attacks and how to bring him back from one.

“Y-y-you, the sky-y-y, um, the g-grass, that bench, a-and-d, umm, the school b-building,” Evan stuttered out. 

“4 things you can hear.”

“You, t-t-the wind, t-those kids y-y-yelling, and, um, my v-voice.”

“3 things you can touch,” Connor said gently.

“Y-you, your h-hoodie, the g-ground.”

“2 things you can smell.”   
“You, t-the awful c-cafeteria smell,” Evan giggled nervously.

“One thing you can taste.”

“My gum,” He said, his breathing slowed and his hands not as shaky.

Connor let out a sigh of relief. “Want to talk about it?” he asked.

Evan nodded. “I… I texted my dad.” He mutely held out his phone so Connor could see. He was expecting a disappointed sigh or a pitying smile, but Connor surprised him. Connor kissed him full on the mouth. 

“You stood up for yourself,” Connor explained. “I’m proud of you. That took guts.”

Evan smiled. Maybe today wouldn't be all bad.

\---

Last period math was Evan’s least favorite class. Not only did he hate math, but having a boring class last period was practically torture. 

He sat down, notebook out, fully expecting to fall asleep halfway through. Zoe sat down next to him and silently pulled out her notebook as well. 2 minutes later, he heard a soft  _ rrriipp.  _ Then a paper was slid across the desk to him. 

Evan bit back a laugh. Zoe had drawn a little comic, involving bad tree puns. He wrote his own bad pun on the paper and slid it back over. Her resulting giggle earned them a glare from their teacher. That carried on for the rest of the period.    
When the bell rang, Zoe stood up and gave Evan a hug. 

“We’re here for you, all of us are,” she whispered. “You’re not alone.”

Evan gave her a grateful smile and ran off to meet Connor in the parking lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you liked, please drop me a comment or a kudos! :)


	3. afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mario kart, just dance, and documentaries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this one's pretty short because i wanted to separate afternoon and evening so i can get some heidi time in the next chapter...

The ride home was spent in comfortable silence, Evan holding Connor’s hand the whole time. In 10 minutes, Connor pulled up in Evan’s driveway. 

“Are you okay here? I can skip work if you’d like,” Connor said.

“No! No, don’t do that! You need to keep this job,” Evan reminded him. “Besides, I’ll be fine. Jared’s coming over for a bit and Mom’s shift ends early tonight.”

“Okay,” said Conor, leaning across the console for a quick kiss. “Text me later.” Evan got out of the car, waving to Connor as he drove off.  _ 9 more hours. _

Evan, fumbling with the key for a minute, opened the front door. Shutting it (but not locking it, Jared would be there in a few minutes so it didn’t matter), he flopped on the sofa. True to his word, Jared came through the door 2 minutes later. 

“I come bearing gifts!” he announced. “The gift of my presence and also assorted sugary snacks!”

Evan smiled gratefully. “T-thanks, Jared.”

“No problem. Now,” he said, throwing a kitkat at Evan, “now we play video games and i  _ destroy  _ you at Mario Kart.”

\---

“Fucking Rainbow Road! How are you so good at this one? I keep falling off!” Jared cried, falling off of the track for the twelfth time. Evan’s car sped past him, knocking him off again. Jared flopped back on the couch, moaning something about unfair playing and sadistic friends, all while Evan sped into the lead, winning the race. 

“Practice, Jared,” Evan explained. “Lots and lots of practice.”

“Gimme that,” Jared grabbed Evan’s controller, choosing an easy race. “Now, prepare to get crushed.”

Evan did not get crushed. Jared seemed especially sucky at Mario Kart that day, of course,  _ completely  _ coincidentally. 

“Hey, Ev,” Jared said, not looking up from his phone. “Can Connor, Zoe, and Alana come over? They won’t stop texting me.”   
“S-sure,” said Evan. “Tell them to b-bring better games.”

“Roger that.”

 

_ 5:43 PM- “protect evan hansen squad” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** ev says come over but bring better video games bc im destroying him in mario kart

**Bath_bomb_eater69:** so maybe not  _ exactly  _ that but you get the gist of it

**Xx_ironicname_xX:** be there in 10

**zzzzZoeMurphy:** lana and i are on our way

 

Not soon after that, Alana and Zoe were knocking at the door, so Jared let them in, forfeiting his race. 

“We brought Just Dance!” Zoe cried. “Prepare to get crushed!”

Evan shook his head incredulously. “Why do people keep saying that to me?”

The first few songs, Evan just watched from the couch, laughing as Jared tried to dance to a funky pop song and when Alana and Zoe tried to dance a duet, but ended up tripping each other. Then, Zoe pulled him off the couch and forced him to play.

It was a stupid dance, too energetic, but Evan had fun. He easily beat Alana, who danced very stiffly, and Jared, who just made up the dance moves. Sometime during his second song, the doorbell rang. 

“I’ll get it!” hollered Zoe. She opened the door to a surprised looking Connor. 

“Is Evan.... dancing?” he said, eyes wide. Zoe just nodded. Evan blushed tomato red when he turned and saw Connor watching him, smirking. 

“I got this on video!” he said, confirming Evan’s fears. The song ended and Evan dragged Connor in front of the screen. 

“Your turn,” he grinned wickedly. 

Connor, as it turned out, was a very good dancer. “I took tap when I was younger,” he explained. He gave Evan a kiss as his score came on the screen, soundly crushing Evan’s. 

When everyone was all tired out, Alana flipped on one of Evan’s  _ Planet Earth  _ documentaries. When Zoe complained, she gave her a sound kiss on the lips. When Jared complained, she threw a pillow at his head. No one else complained.

Evan snuggled up close to Connor. “Love you,” he whispered in Connor’s ear. 

“Love you too, Ev,” Connor whispered back.    
“GAG,” Jared shouted. “THIS COUPLE IS BEING TOO SWEET I’M GAGGING.”

“Shut up, Jared!” everyone chorused. 

“I’m really feeling the love, guys…”

 

_ 6:12 PM- “pinkie pay up motherfuckers” _

_ Recipients: Bath_bomb_eater69, Tinytreechild, Xx_ironicname_xX, zzzzZoeMurphy, A_Beck _

 

**Tinytreechild:** Thanks, guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked!


	4. evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heartfelt talks with heidi, optimism, and a chance for a new start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chap for this fic! tell me how you like it!

At 6:45, Evan kicked everyone out of his house. 

“My mom’s coming home in 15 minutes and I have to make dinner,” he explained. “Thank you guys, though.” Everyone filed out, Alana and Zoe both giving Evan a hug, Jared giving Evan an exaggeratedly formal handshake.

“No homo,” he joked. Evan rolled his eyes. 

Connor gave Evan a long kiss. “Full homo,” he kissed Evan again. Evan blushed.

“Everyone out! No more shenanigans! I have to cook!”

Once he closed the door, he slumped against the wall, energy gone. 

_ I gotta make dinner, Mom’s gonna be too tired when she gets back.  _ He thought to himself.  _ Otherwise i have to order food, which is.... Not ideal. _

Evan hummed to himself as he got out a pan and turned on the stove. He grabbed one of the sautee meals from the bottom shelf of the freezer and poured it into the pot. Soon, the smell of sausage pasta floated through the whole house.    
Evan had just managed to put the pasta in bowls when his mom walked through the door. 

“Hey, honey, I’m home!” she called. “Did you make food?”   
Evan smiled, handing her a bowl as she came into the kitchen. “Yep, I made pasta.” 

“You’re the best,” she said. “Come sit. I want to talk a bit.” Evan gulped nervously, but followed his mother into the living room. 

She sat on the sofa, tucking her legs up underneath her. “So,” she started. “You texted your father today, right?”   
Evan’s leg started shaking like crazy. “I...um… y-yeah i d-d-did.” he stuttered out. She set her bowl down on the table next to the sofa. Then she did something unexpected. She hugged Evan, pulling him close to her. She was shaking. It took Evan a moment to realize she was crying. He started to tear up a little, as well.

“I’m proud of you. You held him accountable, which is more than I’ve been able to do for 10 years.” She gave him a watery smile. “You did the right thing.”

“R-r-really?” Evan asked. At that moment, he felt 7 again, watching his mother cry, unsure of what to do. The only difference was that this time, she wasn’t crying sad tears, but happy ones. 

“Yes, really.” she said, wiping her eyes and sniffling. “Now, I’m going to eat this lovely pasta you made and enjoy it.”. 

“Thank the freezer meal company.” Evan laughed. His mom laughed along with him. As he ate, he remembered everything she’d done for him over the years, without his father there.

_ 9 year old Evan laid on the concrete, knee bleeding profusely. _

_ “Evan!” his mom cried, running towards him. “What happened?”  _

_ “I fell…” he whispered, teary from the pain.  _

_ “Well, hon, let’s get that bandaged up so it doesn’t get infected.” And she led him to the house. Evan smiled, despite the skinned knee, because he knew he’d be okay. _

_ 11 year old Evan scanned the crowd at fifth grade graduation, searching for his mom (or his dad, he hadn’t yet given up on him). He had turned away, disappointed, ready to head back to his classroom, when he heard the  _ click-clack  _ of high heels on the linoleum floors.  _

_ “Ev!” his mom called. “Sorry, it took a while to push through the crowd. Lemme see your certificate!” He handed it to her, proud. _

_ 15 year old Evan sat in Dr. Sherman’s waiting room, leg bouncing and fingers knotted in his shirt. Next to him, his mom sat, the picture of composed. She give him a smile.  _

_ “It’s going to be okay, Ev,” she whispered to him. “Dr. Sherman’s here to help you.”  _

_ “I know, I’m just…. scared.” he concluded lamely.  _

_ “That’s normal,” she said. “But I’m right here for you if you need me. I love you.” _

_ 17 year old Evan sat in the ER, arm cradled lamely in a sling.  _

_ “Evan, honey, how did this happen?” his mom asked, concerned.  _

_ “I…” he looked away. “I fell out of a tree.” _ _  
_ _ “You fell?” she looked skeptical, but dropped it to give Evan a hug. “Love you, kiddo, even though you’re super clumsy.” Evan smiled bittersweetly. _

“What are you thinking about?” Evan’s mom asked, brushing Evan’s hair out of his eyes. 

“Just… everything.” he explained lamely. “Happy everything, though.”

“Good. You deserve to be happy.” she smiled. “I know today is hard for you. It’s hard for me, too. Do you want to talk about it?”   
“I just miss him. I miss having a father. And I hate him for leaving. But i’m also happy he did? He put us through so much shit that we’re better off without him here. And I love you for being there for me. You always were. Even when you were busy, you made time for me. And it’s not fair that he left us like this, so that you have to work all the time and I’m alone. And I think he has a lot to answer for, if he ever decides to talk to us again.” Evan rambled.

“Oh, honey,” Heidi said sadly. “I know, I know. It isn’t fair, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry, because I know I came up short a million different ways, but I’m trying to be there for you. It sucks that he’s gone. But I’m here.”   
“And that’s enough for me. Love you, Mom.”   
“Love you too, Ev.”

\---

Sometime later, after 2 movies and 3 bags of popcorn, Heidi was snoozing on the couch and Evan was getting sleepy.    
“Goodnight, Mom,” he whispered, tugging a blanket over her sleeping form. 

Evan trudged up the stairs to his room and sat down at his desk. He started his new letter.

_ Dear Evan Hansen, _

_ Today was a great day. Just because it sucked 10 years ago doesn’t mean you have to hold on to all the anger and resentment of the past. You have so much to look forward to. You have amazing friends, an amazing boyfriend, and the best mom you could ask for. Now, you have a host of new memories for today. You don’t have to remember today as a sad day. You can remember everything that happened today and be happy. You and Mom talked a lot today. It was nice. You should do that more often. It helped both of you. Today was a good day, and tomorrow will be a good day, and you’re gonna have good days because you deserve them and you deserve to feel better and you  _ can  _ feel better. Today was proof. It’s gonna be a long path, but you’re going to get better.  _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Me _

Evan put down his pen and slid the paper into the blue folder on his desk. He also fumbled in his pocket for his  _ other  _ letter. After a moment’s hesitation, he put that one in the folder, too. Then he set his phone to charge on the table and went to sleep with a smile on his face. 

 

**_New Message!_ ** **_  
_ ** **_From:_ ** **_202-555-0199_ **

_ Evan, _

_ I’m sorry. I know that I’ve been a terrible father and I’d like the chance to be a better one. Call me sometime, I’d like to maybe catch up, if that’s okay with you. I understand if you never want to talk to me again, and that’s okay too. I’ve been a horrible parent and now it’s up to you what you’d like to do.  _

_ Love, _

_ Dad _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was exactly 1234 words and i am so proud
> 
> leave a comment or a kudos, they make my day!!!

**Author's Note:**

> i live for comments and kudos


End file.
